Chapter 10

To do list:

  • Lose 40 pounds.
  • Honour my wedding vows (aka pretend to love someone I’m no longer in love with, aka fake it til ya make it).
  • Force myself to forget about the woman I am actually in love with.
  • Be a better father (this means targeted activities with each of the children, one on one time, not just take them to a fucking movie).
  • Work harder, be better at my job. I can’t afford to be replaced.
  • Make use of the opportunities I have to earn money and get out of debt. Work out how to conjure up 42 grand by September 2019. I’m not sure my forays into erotica will cover that, especially since the main opportunity I had with that has gone silent.
  • (For the fourth time in as many months) Have difficult conversation with my wife about needing an actual job and stopping spending money we don’t have.
  • Crack open this shell of apathy that keeps growing around me and be decisive and assertive in my personal life like I am at work.
  • Following on from that: stop letting things happen to me – make things happen by choice.
  • Make a list of the things in my life that are true and which are a lie, then decide how to deal with each of the lies in turn.
  • Fix up my boat. Buy a trailer. Use my boat.
  • Go to therapy. Get advice on how to sort my head out.
  • Keep writing.
  • Create a 1/3/6/12 month and 3/5/10 year plan for all this shit.

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